Can love be created?
A study by the psychologist Arthur Aron, et al. explores whether
intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask
each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in
the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be
more probing than the previous one.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a
dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are
going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind
or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would
you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what
would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much
detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or
ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your
life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why
haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you
change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic
of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was
happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in
this room feeling...“
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could
share...“
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please
share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this
time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate
with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why
haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After
saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final
dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most
disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or
she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how
you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Or skip the trials and errors and bask in single bitter existence.
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[EDITS BY REQUEST]
Source for study: http://www.stafforini.com/txt/Aron%20et%20al%20-%20The%20experimental%20generation%20of%20interpersonal%20closeness.pdf
Form to sign up for imgur questions matching if you'd rather have a
stranger pair you up versus boldly commenting on someone's response and
asking them intimate details about their life: http://docs.google.com/forms/d/1P2-L6JSOnbI9csbfdS2r90uUy5-x652RmsrPwxcO9xo/viewform
Stats from the match-up: http://imgur.com/gallery/gYjiycK
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UPDATE: As of Monday, January 19, all matches (from rounds 1 & 2)
have been completed and PMs have been sent! While I did my best to match
everyone to their preferences, not all preferences were completely
aligned across the board due to the demographics of the pool.
Again, everyone who entered the form correctly got a match! If you did
not hear personally from me or from one of the helpers about your match,
please comment in the thread about it below or directly message me. I
will respond when I can. Imgur messaging has been glitchy so if you
don't get a response from me after 1-2 days, please find a different way
to get my attention (i.e. tagging in comment). Chances are I did not
get your message.
These questions can get intense so please respect each other's
boundaries and privacy with personal information.
The idea is to have each person take turns asking and answering each
question - a guided conversation of sorts. Ideally the questions should
be completed in one uninterrupted dialogue. Should the conversation flow
well, please feel free to ask additional questions in between the
listed questions if they fit in. Most importantly, enjoy yourselves. And
who knows, you may make a long-lasting friendship along the way!
If you'd like to share your experience, check out the exit survey. If
there are enough responses I will publish another pretty graphic with
stats: http://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tjcDD5c-yAT7BsVDCO5WVgWHlC777eiyhmneHpFZdjY/viewform
Thank you so much for your enthusiastic response to this! It has been so
rewarding to hear about your positive experiences!
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UPDATE: Round 2 Sign Ups for Valentine's Day Matching
Since matches delivered by Imgur messaging did not work for everyone
last time, I (along with any volunteer helpers) will be posting matches
as tags in a comment thread of the album. Hopefully this will be a more
effective method of delivery. Let me repeat: You will be receiving your
match via comment tag. This means that you need an IMGUR username in
order to be matched. No account? Make one. (It's free.)
New rule by request: If you are listed as the first username in the
match comment, you are charged with asking the first question of the
set. Look at you taking that initiative. Go you!
Once you receive your match(es), it is advisable to first contact them
and introduce yourself before jumping into the questions. See when would
be a good day/time for you all to talk, decide on which platform you're
most comfortable with, and go from there.
Match Form Opens: January 29, 2015
Match Form Closes: February 5, 2015, 6:00PM EST
Matches Delivered by February 14, 2015
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1OyIcl1zqjMxi8ZjwqYMHyy0XWMDYHOUUD__AsgFR8Js/viewform
If you'd like to share your experience, check out the exit survey. If
there are enough responses I will publish another pretty graphic with
stats: http://docs.google.com/forms/d/1tjcDD5c-yAT7BsVDCO5WVgWHlC777eiyhmneHpFZdjY/viewform
Round 2 (Valentine's Day) Match Stats
formating is not the best.
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